I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
