I'm going to rape someone's good day.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
