eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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