U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
