She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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