I have demons in me.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
