He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
