i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Never joke about your clitoris.
PANTIES FOUND
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