I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
