it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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