Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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