ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
