dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
