Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
