We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i believe in u and ur pee
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
