I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
