I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
