I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
