I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
