if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
