I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
