He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize