There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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