So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
