What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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