i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
