there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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