No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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