Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Text me some of your sweat
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