best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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