There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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