Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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