O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i think my cat just said my name.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
