Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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