I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
