I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
do herpes really smell.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
