I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
