i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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