oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
