i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
