all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
