when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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