The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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