She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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