Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
