at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am one with the molecules
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
