My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
