I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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