Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
