The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
