Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Text me some of your sweat
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
