I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
