she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
