It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
