Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
