So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
