guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Found the puke drawer
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
