So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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