you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
3 2 1 whiskey
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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