the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize