Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
