fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
