so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
