I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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