I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
In America we eat man semen.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
