cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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