dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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