Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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