I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My penis needs a shock collar
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
