I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
