College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
