Who wears a wallet chain?!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
