I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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