are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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