? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
