yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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