I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Boobs are out for the taking
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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