Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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