We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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