pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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