How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
