She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
