Im at strip club and am horny
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
