explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
