I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
