I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
