non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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