Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
