Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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