at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
