Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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