i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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