I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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