I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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