I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
