so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
