It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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