were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
