What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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