Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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