We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
