There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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