She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
