but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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