I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
