I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You ruined the universe
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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