Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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