She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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