Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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