I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
