5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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