At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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