Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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