My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
