the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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