the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
