I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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