people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
