Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
